Living with Differences

Pranav Sachdeva
LACS 2005, CFW 2006

“People are pretty much alike. It's only that our differences are more susceptible to definition than our similarities.”
-Linda Ellerbee

How true. I have always seen communalism from only a national perspective. This meant analysing which party is secular and which is not, the vision of India as a secular republic and studying communal violence. What I missed to comprehend during early days is how our differences affect us as individuals, families and work groups. As with all public issues, it is our own thoughts and ideas that gradually take the shape of a collective movement. The Unesco Constitution’s first paragraph declares “since wars begin in minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed.”

So I was astonished to hear my close friend say, “My Muslim identity affects me a lot.” Syed Jafar Alam is an active student of our Law Faculty. A wonderful speaker and organiser, he is also the President of many societies and associations. We all run to him if there is any problem and are, of course, indifferent to his religious identity. So to his statement, I could only manage a small “How?”

“The maids don’t work in our house. Neighbours and guests, even non-vegetarians, refrain from eating anything we serve. As soon as I reveal my name to a stranger, there is a change in his reaction. One person started talking about actor Salman Khan which was irrelevant to the context,” said Jafar, a graduate in History from St. Stephens. I countered that Delhi is a liberal city. He replied, “For you, it’s easy. You can live in any way you like. I have to be cautious at all levels because anything I say or do can be misunderstood. Whenever there is an untoward incident or as soon as politics of the city changes, the atmosphere can get slightly suffocating.”

It got me thinking. There never passes a month without news reports of a curfew due to confrontations between “two communities”. In the dangerous times we live in, when international situation is not a happy one, we have to be careful. Prejudice and very little understanding about each other, as Jafar’s case illustrates, can hurt us. But it is not just community; the differences of ethnicity, language, caste and region also form cleavages that are difficult to conceal.

In this year’s student union elections, I stood for the post of President. Seniors said that I don’t stand a chance because a Delhite or a Punjabi has never won. An insider told me that a student from Bihar may eat with you, may campaign for you, may be your best friend, but will not vote for you. I had good friends who supported me throughout, from all regions including Bihar, UP, Andhra, Kerela, Manipur and Mizoram, and from all kinds of economic and social background. I campaigned hard, projected a decent image and got quite good response. But the results were beyond my belief. I came last in a five cornered race.

A student from UP, who did not campaign, won. The rest including a Jat from Haryana and a Rajput from Bihar, followed closely. They did not need to campaign as everyone knows whom to vote for. The victor had a decent combination of regional and caste vote-bank. The ten days of election fever taught me a thing or two about India. What we see in national and state politics today, is a natural result of what’s happening on the ground. The candidate who came second explained to me that people actually have to live a life where their caste and regional identity matters a lot. It affects their social and economic empowerment. I said, “Though you are right about that, there is no reason why a small student election in Delhi would bring those differences, which people don’t even talk about, to surface.” His reply was short, “You won’t understand.”

A good proof of what India is lies in the matrimonial pages of our newspapers. Proposals are classified into various sections on the basis of caste and other identities. Only a rare few proclaim “caste no bar, religion no bar.” I am sure, in the end almost all of them a spouse from their own community. But it also true inter-religion marriages do take place. Tanveer Izaz, a political science lecturer at DU, married a Hindu girl after a long dose of convincing her parents. “My parents were even tougher to persuade,” he said. Eventually, they had to move out into a colony where no one knew them. So what happened after marriage? “It’s been a happy union till now. We pray in both Muslim and Hindu manner and celebrate all festivals,” he said simply. For me, if any proof was needed that our differences are overrated, this was it.

Mahatma Gandhi, once said, “No culture can live if it attempts to be exclusive.” We must remember these words of wisdom from a man who did most to inculcate a democratic spirit in the country. India, the great salad-bowl, has survived. The humanity in us has survived. I end with a quote that I really like from Leo Buscaglia, “Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.” Let’s hope we can be true lovers for each other.